When we moved from Astoria, Queens to the north shore suburbs of Long Island, in the late 1980s, I remember feeling a bit out of place. Not too much cultural diversity, as compared to PS 68, and also not too many Greek kids. I didn’t really get the sense that my culture was understood or appreciated. Instead, I just felt weird and different. 

I remember telling my mom, with her heavy accent, not to speak Greek to me out in public anymore, because it just wasn’t considered “cool”. My mother thought I was being difficult, but what I didn’t tell her was that I had my very own school bully who would make fun of me for the way I talked. I just knew if he heard me speak Greek, it would be the end of my elementary school career.  

It was on that dreaded day at the local supermarket that my mom, with her heavy accent, spoke Greek to me out of habit, forgetting the rule I attempted to impose on her.  And of course, with my cursed luck, my school bully happened to be there to witness it. I was then mocked at school the following day.  “I heard your mom speaking Spanish,” he bellowed, followed by an evil, maniacal 4th-grade laugh. 

Fast forward to today, I can say I am no longer ashamed of being Greek. In fact, I recently became a Greek citizen and just received my EU Passport. As I get older, I want to know more about where my parents came from, where I come from, and I crave to speak the language more. I yearn to speak to the Greek people when I travel to Greece. I feel fortunate now that my parents did, in fact, force my brother and me to go to Greek school, even if the priests and nuns would hit the top of our heads with long sticks if we were talking while class was in session. For it was there, that besides discovering what corporal punishment was, we also learned to read, write, and speak Greek. 

I also want to discover more about who I am. When I am in Greece, I feel like that’s where my heart is. I just feel like I belong and that I am with family because that is how Greek people make you feel, as if you are family even if you are not related. I feel proud of my Greek heritage. 

Last year, a friend gave me a gift of photography in Santorini, where I visited. At first, I thought the concept was silly, but then I realized how quickly time passes and how you can’t always go back after changing your mind. I’ve regretted not doing some things in my life because I was afraid to or felt stupid. 

Well, I’m glad I did it. It was challenging because the Santorini sun was scorching hot that day at about 100 degrees, and I had to walk barefoot on the very high and very hot rooftops. I’m also not very good at posing or modeling and was yelled at often by the photographer who told me to turn a certain way and look a certain way, over and over again. I had to also balance myself, which is hard to do when you are bending your leg a certain way and pointing your toe another way, while also close to a ledge that drops down into the sea. 

The rest of the video has some shots from the rest of my trip. This video tells a story because I journeyed to Greece last year for a more therapeutic reason.  I was seeking solace, but also some answers of which I found and some which I’m still in search of. 

I spent a lot of time by the water, which has always helped me to reflect on myself and to contemplate many of life’s challenges. It was a good time for me to go because I had a lot to think about. I have always felt very connected to the water. For me, it symbolizes the deepest of emotions, which can be calm and still but also moving, turbulent, and always expanding, like the waves. It represents sadness, fears, and all the questions I have. It represents the unknown, and being able to dive into situations without having to always know the outcome. But it also represents transformation, reformation, and the cyclical changes of life and death. It is through sadness, loss, and grief that if we can grow and move forward, we have the opportunity to create a transformation within ourselves. But if we ignore the opportunity, we remain stagnant.

Sometimes that transformation involves letting go of people who are no longer healthy for you. As you get older, life unpleasantly surprises you with the people who don’t show up for you through the hard times, and the people who do show up. It is through those times that we evolve and grow, depending on what kind of decisions we make. I am grateful for the people in my life who have supported me and have been there for me, but I am also grateful to the people who have not, for they have made me stronger by making me realize the uncomfortable changes I need to make to change my life. And also making me realize that I didn’t need them after all. That they weren’t good for me. They didn’t enhance my life. Instead, they took away from it. And that by releasing them from my conscientious living, I was able to make space for people who beautify my life. I was able to make space for relationships that I may have otherwise neglected. I have learned that you can’t have expectations of others, because if you do, you will be let down. You also can’t have expectations of life either, but you can have them of yourself, in terms of how you treat yourself and others. 

The process of self-reflection is an important one. For it was Aristotle who said, “Knowing yourself is the beginning of wisdom.” 

I have more questions still, and am hoping to find some clarity on my trip to Greece this coming summer of 2025. Stay tuned for my future explorations.

Read more: From Astoria to Santorini